‘I’m sorry, but I just have to vent’.

I’ve heard and said these words, or some form of them, for years. In the past few months, though, I have been convicted: Is venting (that is, the response to the feelings not the feelings themselves) Scriptural? Of course, we are to seek wise counsel (note the word wise), but is it godly to speak out against someone in frustration or, dare I say, anger?

In his epistle, James reminds us that if we are part of Christ’s Church, we are not to be divisive. In chapter 5 we are reminded that we are not to groan, grumble, or complain against one another. Instead, we are to confess our sins to one another and pray for one another so we can be healed. I used to think this meant physical and spiritual healing, but the more I read Scripture the more I’m convinced it also means relational healing.

I have been asking myself, ‘Do I really feel better when I vent to someone about something involving someone else?’ My answer time and again has been a resounding, ‘No.’ I may feel justified in my feelings toward the person or situation; I may feel smug, that I’m the one who is really in the right; but, freedom? Healing? Restoration? Absolutely not. I find instead that I stew on the problem and continue to feel irritated and hurt.

Why do I go to others to, if I’m being honest with myself, complain about the actions of someone? Why do I not instead go to the Lord, the one who created all things and people, who knows me better than I know myself, first? Will what I say about someone enhance the division that is already rampant in the Church? My emotions should not dictate my actions or words. Psalm 4:4 tells us that when we’re angry we’re not to sin and Paul also reminds us of this in Ephesians 4:26. As much as I don’t want to admit it, venting happens when I’m angry with someone.

Instead of venting to someone and saying, ‘I just don’t know what to do and am so frustrated. So and so said such and such or did such and such and I really don’t know how to respond’ or ‘I’m so frustrated that I just have to vent about so and so’, my time would better be spent in first going to the Lord and asking for wisdom who, James reminds us in chapter 1, gives freely to all without discriminating. Then, if I really do need wise counsel, I can say, ‘Hey, I’m having an issue with a relationship. Would you mind praying with me for wisdom as to how to proceed?’ or ‘Would you pray with me about my attitude with a relationship?’

No brother or sister is being hurt by my words. No one’s view of a brother or sister is being tarnished. I, through choosing to not vent, am not adding to the divisiveness in the Church. All the one who gives me wise counsel needs to know is that I am the one in need of prayer. (And, really, why does it matter if I am in the right? With that kind of thinking, what I’m really struggling with then is pride and Scripture tells us in Proverbs 16:18 that ‘pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.’)

What truly matters is that I am doing what God in His Word tells me to do.